People who know me well, know that I love Christmas. Maybe people who don't know me that well know that I love Christmas too. I get excited about twinkling lights, a child's belief in Santa Claus, Christmas music, and the birth of my spiritual hope in the love of my Savior. Christmastime always makes me just a little bit happier and I always look forward to it.
Christmastime also exacerbates the pain of unanswered prayer and the waiting to know when that prayer will be answered. I've been reflecting on this quite a bit this Christmas season. I have also been more acutely aware of the pain of others during this season as they have experienced their own waiting. Waiting to feel less pain about the loss of a loved one. Waiting to feel "over" the pain of a relationship that ended. Waiting to feel happiness again. Waiting to be less busy and to have a moment to breathe. Waiting for change...any change. Waiting, waiting, waiting...while around us the world puts on a show of shiny ribbons and smiling faces. Aren't we supposed to be happy at Christmastime? Isn't the hope of the birth of our Savior supposed to bring us inexplicable joy? Well, yes, but the more I think about it, the more I understand how the story of the birth of Christ relates to our experience of pain just as much as it relates to joy.
The birth of Jesus was long awaited and was promised hundreds of years before his actual birth. How long had the Israelites been waiting for their Savior? A few weeks ago, the sermon at church was about waiting in expectation for God's answer to His promises. In my own life, this sermon directly spoke to me as I have been praying the same prayer for over 10 years and still, I have not received an answer. How many Israelites could relate to this? Or how about Elizabeth & Zechariah as they had been praying for a baby for so long? Or Simeon and Anna who had been promised to see the Savior and had to wait until they were late in years for this promise to come true? As I experience my own wait and often struggle at times to keep faith when it seems God has forgotten me, these reminders have been helpful in the pain of my wait.
Or what about Joseph? How many of us have had the rug pulled out from under us in a relationship we were in? We felt stable, secure, and all of a sudden, the other person drops a bomb and it's over. Or the sudden (or even not sudden) death of a loved one. Grief is suffering loss in our lives and learning how to survive the shock of unexpected change. I often wonder how Joseph must have felt when his young fiancee told him that she was pregnant and it wasn't his child. What kind of grief did he suffer at the loss of a dream? Did his heart break? Did he cry out in anger and confusion? We are told in the book of Matthew that he planned to divorce her quietly, but we don't know what it was like for him leading up to that decision. God was faithful to Joseph and sent an angel to comfort him and give him guidance. While God may not respond to our own pain in this way, I am reminded that God takes care of His people in Joseph's story during moments of emotional and relational pain as well as in grief and loss.
Or maybe your pain is like that of the Magi. You see a sign, you follow it, it takes forever to reach your destination, and just when you find a place to rest, confusion sets in. How many of us have had someone be like Herod to us and present with good intentions but we find out later they were actually selfish and manipulative in purpose? Again, God sent an angel to steer the Magi in the right direction and while they may have had to travel longer to get home, God provided and returned them home safely. I am reminded that sometimes when we are confused, manipulated, or feel as though it takes forever to return home, God will still see to it that the journey is completed safely when we respond with faith.
And then of course there is Mary. Faithful, beautiful, Mary. I love reading the Magnificat in the first chapter of Luke. It reminds me of God's omnipotent, everlasting, steadfast, powerful love for us in this world. But what about after the Magnificat? Nine months of pregnancy prior to her marriage with Joseph. Even if they were married shortly after she became pregnant, anyone who has ever lived in a small community knows that people talk. Even when you tell people the truth, they will do what they want with it. And what do you say in that situation? "Oh, no, don't worry. It's the Holy Spirit's baby. We're good." What strength and maturity Mary must have had to withstand what might have been said about her and to know that God would take care of her. I don't think I would have been able to survive that kind of pain. As a child, whenever I was teased, I would do whatever they wanted me to do and say whatever they wanted me to say just stop the teasing and the pain of being ostracized by my peers. Mary's story reminds me to have faith in God's greater plan and to look beyond what is right in front of me and the limited view of others, even when it's painful.
One of my favorite Christmas songs is called "Real" by Nichole Nordeman. In this song, she sings from the perspective of Mary and Joseph, saying:
I am real
Don't turn me into memory or myth
Let me be real
And I'll show you what it means to love like this
To be real
This Christmas, I am praying that if you have pain amidst the holiday bustle & rustle, shimmer & shine, laughter & song, remember that Jesus is real. The people surrounding the story of his birth are real. The miracle is real. Our pain is real. And the miracle is that Jesus really came to show you that he understands that pain on a deeper level than you may ever know. Trust him with it and let him be real to you this Christmas. I will be trying to do the same.
