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Sunday, January 29, 2012

single roots

Sometimes, someone else can say more eloquently what I would like to say. My favorite Bachelor Recap blog writer posted this on the SingleRoots blog website...which I just discovered when I read this post. There is much truth in what she says.


P.S.~Just added this site to my favorites. The knowledge that other people struggle with similar questions, emotions, and reassurance found again and again in a God who loves is soothing and another way God speaks.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

I Won't Give Up

I just discovered this new song by Jason Mraz. While he is singing it to his love, I feel like sometimes I need to hear these words from the God who loves me. I flip the words from God's perspective to my own and it' s just what I need to hear. Especially when life feels a little bit hopeless and I'm not strong enough to stand on my own, I just need to know that there's a God who won't give up on me. And neither will I give up on God.




Sunday, January 1, 2012

transition out, stability in...it's all a part of the plan

Happy New Year! I'm sad that I missed putting up a Christmas post. I thought about it almost every day for the past month and I had a lot of thoughts I wanted to share. But with the busyness and the excitement of the season, it just didn't happen. So, I'll try to combine my Christmas thoughts with my New Years thoughts and we'll see what happens. Ready, go...

Saying a New Year always has hope in it. 2012. Nothing much has happened in the last 48 hours, so there is a lot of hope that only good things will come with the new year. Every year, I feel that way. Who knows what surprises could be around the bend? Even though I have a more clear idea of what life could look like this year, I feel just as open to possibilities as I did when 2011 was the new year. Of course, a year ago, I was completely a blank slate. Looking back, I am amazed with all God did in my life in 2011. A transitional year for sure, but pretty amazing stuff. A full time job with benefits. New friends. Stronger relationships with my family. A church that surprises me that I want to be a part of, but where there are definite opportunities for growth both internally and externally. A sense of peace in that I actually want to stay living here instead of always feeling like someday I'll move away. Lots of good.

Of course, there were so many struggles in getting to these places. When I first moved back east, I truly thought God would lead me back to an urban setting. I do love living in a city, but I don't feel called to look for opportunities in that setting at this moment. I feel as though I'm right where I should be. Getting that full time job took some time, but God set it all up perfectly and when the right opportunity came along, I just knew that it was what God had for me. Finding friends has been tougher for me, but I have met some amazing women here and I continue to find God's blessings in unexpected friendships. All of this has helped me feel more stable in my life here. I hope that 2012 continues to help me settle and feel peace about the path God has led me on.

When 2011 started, I began most of my days asking God, "What the crap is this? What are you doing with my life?" Nothing seemed to be right and there didn't seem to be an outlined plan to anything. As Christians, we always seemed to be talking about "God's plan" and there just didn't seem to be one. Honestly, some days I still feel like this. There are several ways that I have seen a plan in my life...imprints on the greater blueprint that began to make sense. But there are still some on my particular blueprint where it's difficult to always see why God would put a wall in the middle of a room...or something else that makes no sense at the initial glance. I know that there's purpose somewhere in that wall, but I can't see it yet. And it's difficult to keep trusting in the overall plan instead of always focusing in on the one wall that seems really out of place.

A week before Christmas, the sermon at church gave sort of a mini-lecture on the astronomy that surrounded the time period of Christ's birth, what may have been the star of Bethlehem, and how we can figure out exactly when Christ was born. It was a fascinating sermon and I learned a lot about the stars. I usually find sermons like that interesting where some obscure texts in the Bible can possibly be explained. In this case, it was text from Revelation 12 connected to the pattern in the stars surrounding Christ's birth. Whether this is the correct interpretation or not, I'm not sure, but this interpretation seemed to make sense. The pastor's point was that God even arranged the stars to tell the good news of Christ's birth. That it was no mistake that the sky told the same story of what was happening on earth. That it was no mistake that Mary and Joseph fled to Egypt, the same place that the Israelites had been led out of all those years ago. That nothing about the birth of Christ was accidental. It was all in the plan.

I really took comfort in this as very often this year, I have felt like my life is not a part of any plan. That God had forgotten about me and was just letting my life go, building walls and staircases whichever way he pleased, just because he could. After this sermon, I have thought to myself several times how often Mary must have felt like I do. How many times did she feel like saying, "What the crap God? I'm only 13, I've never had sex, and I'm pregnant! What the crap is that about?" Or, "What on earth? This is Your son and we have to flee to Egypt of all places? What are You doing here? What is Your plan?" Of course, maybe Mary had more faith than I do and never thought those things or felt like saying them, but if I were her, I probably would. And in hindsight, of course I can see God's plan in Mary's life and how important it was that everything happen just the way that it should. All the walls and staircases in her blueprints had purpose and Mary hung pictures and painted without question. Somewhere she was able to hold onto faith that it was all a part of God's plan.

This year, that is what I would like to do. I'm such a woman of questions and I'm no different when it comes to my relationship with God. But this year, I want to have more faith that no matter what happens, it's all a part of the plan. Someday, I'll see that the wall had purpose. Maybe God builds walls so that he can design the room behind it without me peeking and ruining the surprise before he's ready to remove the wall and join two rooms. Or maybe that staircase to seemingly nowhere leads to the most amazing attic I've ever seen. As I'm walking through my "house"' I can only see each room and each stair as it is now. But God, my God, sees the whole blueprint and knows exactly what I need. I pray that my faith in 2012 will grow as I trust God with His plan for me.