Most people who know me well know that I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert. When I am first just getting to know someone and I tell them this, many people have been surprised. I like to be friendly and social and meet new people. I'm at a point in my life where I'm less concerned about what others think of me so the shyness from my childhood is less apparent and I'm more confident in who I am. However, I process internally and definitely more goes on in my mind than comes out of my mouth. Sometimes, this is a good thing...internal monologues save me from several awkward situations! Other times, I wish I spoke up about my thoughts and feelings more.
Running the Hood to Coast race and raising money for clean water with World Vision has helped me to speak up, albeit mostly out of necessity. I mean, you really can't attempt to raise $10,000 without speaking up. The first year I did this race, I was terrified of the fundraising! How can I ask people for money? What if they think I'm nuts for attempting both the fundraising and the race? What if I can't raise any money? So many fears that could get in the way of speaking out, but I faced them and pushed through and spoke.
That first year, a funny thing happened. After I began speaking out, I felt more confident. I felt more like myself. And I was shocked that people listened! Not only did they listen, but they gave and supported me and prayed for me. I couldn't believe how free I felt when I spoke up. And I couldn't wait to do it again. So I did for three more years and I don't have any plan to stop. I cannot wait to keep speaking up for World Vision and the need for clean water in third world communities.
Lately, I have been reminded of how many times I have ignored a tug on my heart to "speak" and let a moment pass me by where I had something to say but let my introverted tendencies take over instead. How many times have I ignored my intuition and then regretted it later? So many times. With God at the helm of my heart, I can't help but believe that God is calling me to take a chance and speak out more. That this is who God has called me to be. A woman who speaks.
I have been listening to this tug more recently. On my plane ride home from Oregon, I felt the tug to speak to the woman next to me. I began a conversation and initially, I thought the tug might be that maybe she needed to hear something I had to say. But at the end of it, she had something to say to me that I needed to hear. That small conversation blessed me so much and it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't listened to that still small voice to speak. I want more of this. More conversations. More boldness and confidence in my words. More feeling like myself and the woman I was meant to be.
I'm ready.
