the importance of community

It has been an insanely long time since I have written anything down in this space.  I think my last entry accurately describes the start of a rather difficult season of life and one that I needed my privacy to go through.  But lately, I have had some thoughts floating around in my head the past few days and so I thought I would return to my corner of the internet and share them with you.

Several weeks ago, I attended the memorial service for the mother of some dear family friends.  I have always found memorial services to be a mixed bag of emotions where you are gathered to grieve the loss of the person and share in the pain of that loss with others, but also where you celebrate good memories and see people who are a part of those memories.  This memorial service included exactly these emotions for me.  Since it was for a woman who I grew up with at my home church, I returned to this church, sat with my parents, and hugged several people who I hadn't seen in a long time.  I was reminded during this service of the importance of community.  I have been so blessed by the community from my home church and I often take this for granted.  Within that particular church denomination, I know that if I travel to another church from this denomination several states (or maybe a country!) away and we have a common friend from my home church, I will instantly find "family".  I know that when I see my friends' parents and my parents' friends, they mean it when they say they are praying for me and ask me how I am doing.  I know when I laugh with old youth group friends that our laughs are genuine and our care for each other has lasted long beyond high school.  I am grateful to this community, glad to be a part of it, and I know I would not be the woman I am today if it were not for this community of people.

Simultaneously, I was saddened.  Besides being sad about the loss of a great woman, I was saddened by the ways I was reminded of how community had hurt this family.  Regardless of whether we are Christians or not, as people, we have disagreements about topics that can be hurtful and ostracizing.  One theme that was discussed at this memorial was the topic of how fear can get in the way of loving each other.  For this particular family's story, the fear that others' had regarding their son's sexuality was hurtful and ostracizing, not an example of community at all.  I always get so angry when we have an opportunity to learn in our communities, to grow in our perspectives, and to really try to understand what someone else is going through and we just blow it because we are afraid that this means we will have to change too.  But community is always changing and growing and as a Christian, I have always believed that God has designed me to love people above all else, regardless of my opinion or perspective.  Loving another person doesn't have to mean we have to agree with them.  Loving another person means asking.  It means doing our best to understand.  It means remembering that love is stronger than fear; GOD is stronger than fear.  Community is about people.  Life is difficult and we all go through pain.  A good community says the hard things and still loves others as you would want to be loved if you were in their position.

No earthly community is perfect and I in no way expect this particular community to be perfect.  I still appreciate all that it is and I still hope to continue to be an active member in this community now and hopefully someday with a family of my own.  As I said, I am the woman I am today because of it.  But after I attended this memorial and was touched by all the people who came to show their love for this woman and for her family, I was also reminded of the importance of remembering people over principles.  I am so grateful to know that I have people in my life who understand that and when I am going through something they have not experienced or that they don't understand, they will love me and do their best to learn through my experience, even if we do not agree.  That kind of community is a rare thing.