dance with me

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a dancer.  There are pictures of me at 3 years old partner dancing with a toddler life size Sesame Street Ernie doll.  I begged my parents for dance lessons when I was little, but wasn't able to have them.  I always looked forward to dances in middle and high school and learned some pretty sweet (and not so sweet) moves then.  I choreographed my first dance number in my high school musical as Tiger Lily in Peter Pan.  In college, I took swing dance lessons at campus events.  I began choreographing other dances on my own..and won a lip sync contest with four of my friends as *NSYNC.  For a while, I got into the salsa community while living in Chicago and loved being able to go out and dance the night away.  Most of my friends know that my best party trick is to perform a Britney dance.  When I moved back to Connecticut, I finally took a real ballet class and loved it.  When I think about it, even without real formal training, I already am a dancer.  I feel free and like myself and happy when I dance.  I love it.

Most recently, a friend introduced me to the local swing and blues community.  I've decided that this is my new adventure, my new challenge.  I want to be a Lindy hop dancer and I want to get good at it.  I bought the shoes.  I signed up for a dance weekend in September and I'm looking into attending a second.  I'm going to go to social dances weekly as much as possible this summer.  I'm committed.

One thing I am learning in this experience is how to follow.  I've done partner dances before but I've always struggled with following.  I have leader traits by nature (I am an oldest child after all) and I like to be able to know what is coming next.  Learning how to trust someone to lead me and let me know what the next steps are is counterintuitive for me.  But in Lindy hop, as the follow, you have to trust that the lead will know where to go next.  I need to learn how to trust my partner, how to communicate with him through our movement, how to connect with him through the dance.  Dance is communication without words.  I'm learning how to listen to my partner by following how he guides me without telling me.  Most times, I get it right.  But there are many times when I try to take the dance back and I forget to listen.  I try to take a turn before my partner has asked me to or I think we're going to a close position but he meant to keep us in an open position.  Then we pause.  Usually I laugh and apologize.  And then my partner guides me back into it and we try again.  Sometimes, a mistake can turn into something beautiful and we figure it out without the pause.  But I still have to trust him, return to following him, and allow him to lead me in the dance.

The other day I read the following in a devotional as if God were speaking to me:
I want you to trust Me enough to let me lead.  When a couple is dancing, one of them leads and the other follows.  Otherwise, there is confusion and awkwardness.  Dance with Me, beloved.  Follow My lead as I guide you gracefully through your life. (From Jesus Always, by Sarah Young)

It's strange to me how sometimes things in my life line up with what I'm going through spiritually.  Although, when I think about it, of course it's not strange...that's how God works.  Always communicating with me not through words, but through movement in my life.  Like in a dance.  Lately, I have been frustrated with God for many reasons.  It's just one of those tough seasons and I am very ready for that season to be over.  Similar to learning Lindy hop, I'm struggling with following.  I want to know what's next.  I want to make the choices and move things forward when I am ready for them to move forward instead of trusting God to move and guide me without speaking.  Like in a dance.  If I try too hard to make life happen the way I think it should happen, it becomes confusing and awkward.  Like in a dance.  Life becomes graceful again when I trust God to let me know the next move right at the exact moment that it needs to happen.  Like in a dance.

I have needed this analogy so much right now.  The more I think about it, the calmer I feel.  When God speaks to me in ways that speak to the heart of who I already am (a dancer), I feel loved and seen and known.  As I'm learning to follow in dancing, I am understanding in a new way how to follow God.  What it means to wait for the next move in the dance by trusting my lead.  As the follow, I don't have to think about what's next.  I just have to listen to what's being said without words through the connection.  God does this too when God dances with me.

Being asked to dance makes me so happy.  I love learning how to follow, communicate, and connect with others through dance.  I love expressing myself in this way.  And I love that in my spiritual life, God wants to dance with me too.