I think the struggle comes in the timing of it all. The waiting for God to act. If it were up to me, I would only need to wait for a short period of time. But it's not up to me. This morning I had a moment of frustration with God. I have been waiting for some time for something, anything, to happen in my life relationally. There is a specific someone I'm waiting to find out about (which I'm not ready to talk about yet), but there is also a general waiting here too. Most days, I do fine. My heart is finally open to possibilities again and it feels good. It feels wonderful to feel ready to trust a man with my heart again. And yet, I don't need a man in my life to be happy. I know that I'll still find happiness and joy in my life and I have people who love me in my life. My life is full and I'm very blessed. I don't just say that to assure myself either...it's really true. God has been so good to me with the people he's brought into my life.
But...
I was not created to live life alone. This I am sure of. I am a relational person and I thrive at relating to people. For a long time I was convinced that I would live my life alone. There still isn't any guarantee that I won't, but lately I have been more optimistic in this area of my life and God has been opening my eyes to truth. Truth is that I am deserving of romance in my life. Truth is I'm not too old. Truth is I don't have to be anyone but me to be loved. Truth is even my most annoying traits are worthy of love. Truth is that I deserve respect from a man. Truth is that God can bring anyone into my life at any time...with or without warning.
At the end of the day, I am glad that God has this in his hands. I do believe good things can come to those who wait. I do believe that the best love stories take time. And I especially believe that God is the master story teller who gets excited about a good love story. I think God delights in setting up his sons and his daughters and seeing how we find joy in our own love stories. Can't you see it? God says to his angels, "Hey, what about Noah for Allie? She's a little impulsive, but his quiet confidence will bring balance to their relationship. Can you set that up? I have a great idea for a love story that suits them." Or God says, "Wow. Those two would really make a great pair. But they need some time and he hasn't really noticed her yet, although I think she has an idea that he would be great for her. Let's write an amazing story for them and see what they think about it." I can just see it now. God is gazing at me with a thoughtful look on his face saying, "Just wait until you see what I have for you, my daughter. Just you wait..."
I love this! What an encouragement for other women in the same place. You're a beautiful writer, and that is such a gift! Love you!
ReplyDeleteErin,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you'll remember me. I was a counselor at camp Squanto in 2008 (well, I tried to be a counselor but then had some emotional stuff I was dealing with that year which prevented me from continuing with the summer). But I remember you :) My name is Chelsea (Miss Belle in camp lingo). You helped me talk through some things before I left camp to heal a bit.
Anyways, I noticed your posted link on Facebook and I can totally relate to your blog. This post especially has encouraged me- particularly that last paragraph. I too am waiting for love. Even though I feel discouraged sometimes, I am able to look around me at my college roommates and see their dating/lifestyle choices and realize that I'd rather be where I am than where they are relationally (lots of conflict, revenge, sex, etc.) When I think God has forgotten me, I see the proof that Has not just in watching an unbeliever's life. It's kind of a strange and sad way to realize God's love for me, but even though my friends have boyfriends...it doesn't bother me because I know I'm holding out for something to call my own.
I really enjoy your blog. Thanks for posting and making me think :)
Hi Chelsea! Of course I remember you! It seems that you are doing better these days. I was sad to have you leave camp, but sometimes God leads us away in order to fill us up on our own. I hope the rest of the summer of 2008 continued to be a healing one for you.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to wait, isn't it! I don't think it's sad or strange at all to see God's love in this way, but a gift that reminds us that sometimes He loves us enough to withhold certain blessings until the timing is right. This is such a difficult concept to understand when it seems that the timing is never right, but I have faith that when it is, that the joy associated with the gift of love in my life will be overwhelming and God's perfect love for me will be clear. I pray that it will be the same for you too.
Thanks for posting Chelsea! I hope life is treating you well these days...