The Bachelor, Week 3

I wanted to write my Bachelor thoughts yesterday, but there was an ice storm here and we lost power. So instead of using the internet, watching TV, or making a hot meal, I had a wonderful chat with my mom, sewed by candlelight, and ate a delicious (but cold) chicken salad dinner with my parents while listening to a podcast on my Dad's iphone. I gained a new perspective on what a typical winter evening may have been like in the early 20th century...well, without the iphone of course. Also, while watching an episode of Alias on Monday, I all of a sudden got super happy when I saw Chris Harrison as an extra. Who knew Chris had a career as an extra before becoming our esteemed host of The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise? Of course, Alias was on abc, as is The Bachelor. Clearly, someone has Harrison's back.

To be honest, I really wasn't sure what to write about this week. Michelle's crazy takes away from everyone else. At least she is living up to her diagnosis. Her narcissism seeps into our lives through the television screen as she steals our attention from anyone else who might have a bit of crazy to share. C'mon Michelle...share the crazy.

However, interestingly enough, plenty of "daddy" issues came to light. Ashley S and Chantal opened up and shared with us the hurt they'd experienced in their lives. And last week, Ashley H opened up about how her dad didn't play a role in her life. As a counselor, I can't help but think about how that must affect their lives, especially in their romantic relationships. Now, I don't want to diminish the hurt or the emotional depth that these experiences affect their lives on a regular basis. I do want to point out how I think they should proceed in their relationship with Brad, coming from a counselor point of view.

All three girls mentioned above, Ashleys S & H and Chantal, expressed an experience of hurt in their relationships with their fathers. The loss of a parent, no matter how the loss is experienced, can sometimes lead to attachment issues. Ashley S expressed the loss of her father to a brain aneurism, which is sudden and traumatic. I think she said it had been a few years. Given the beginning of Ashley S's relationship with Brad involved a song that was dear to her heart because it connected her to her father, I think it's safe to say that she is already feeling attached to Brad on a deeper level than might be usual for the length of time that they've known each other. However, for their situation, this might work in her favor as they only have a short amount of time to get to know each other. On the other hand, this may deeply affect Ashley S as she may feel a deep attachment to Brad, but he doesn't feel as attached to her in the end.

Ashley H, who expressed that her story was similar to Brad's in last weeks episode, seems to have a good handle on her feelings and the reality of her situation. She seems to be healthy in dealing with the reality of her relationship with her father and how it affects her. In Ashley H's case, her attachment to Brad could come from having similar backgrounds in their relationships with their fathers. For the purpose of the show, this could possibly work to Ashley H's advantage as Brad may also feel a deep attachment to her as anyone would when discovering a common thread between their story and the person they're romantically interested in. As someone who has experienced this, I can say that attachment can be deep, intense, and deceptive in determining how advanced the relationship actually is. This type of attachment can emotionally progress a relationship quickly before the two people involved realize how well they actually know each other.

Then there is Chantal. I don't want to diminish the pain of her story at all and I certainly cannot imagine the pain of coming to terms with a father who wasn't there for her only to discover that she missed her chance to reconcile. However, of the three girls discussed here, she is the one I would be most concerned for as her counselor and in discussing romantic attachment. She has outright said that she can't be alone in her interview prior to meeting Brad. From what we've seen of her, she has a tough exterior, but quickly became emotional when alone with Brad. I do recognize that the nature of their conversation was deep and an emotionally revealing moment for Chantal, but from what we've seen of their relationship, they haven't had a whole lot of time to connect one-on-one and yet Chantal already seems very attached to Brad. As her counselor, I would hope that Chantal would be able to distinguish her desire to seek healing in the situation with her father in order to have a healthy relational attachment to Brad. And of course, it is quite possible that I'm reading too much into it (as I may be with all the girls), but, she did seem to very quickly develop an emotional attachment to Brad without much basis for it. Her divorce may also play a role in how she relates with Brad, but we haven't heard that much about it yet. Hopefully, she will be able to attach to Brad himself and not just the idea of having someone to be with.

It was interesting to me how differently these three ladies opened up to Brad in comparison to Emily. I can't say that either way was "right" per say, but I did admire how Emily seemed to react more appropriately for where her relationship with Brad was than the other girls. In this situation though, it is very hard to determine what is "appropriate" for where their relationship is at as their time is limited and we clearly do not see every moment the girls get with Brad. I know Emily is my favorite, and I am therefore partial to her, but it was good to see that she had emotional boundaries in order to protect herself. Telling Brad was necessary for the situation and deflecting him at first probably made it hard on him to get to know her as quickly as the other girls. But so many of these girls seem to have very little boundaries with how much they share emotionally so I thought it was nice to see that from Emily.

And finally, I couldn't leave without saying something about Maddison! I was so excited to see what she might bring to the show at the beginning...mostly because I thought she would be a live wire in the house. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised to see her maturity in recognizing where she was at relationally in comparison with the other women in the house. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision, especially when the bachelor is so crazy hot! But I guess he just wasn't her type...maybe she's more of an O negative than A positive... Sorry, couldn't leave without putting a blood joke in there.

Have a great evening all!