The Bachelor, Week 4

If you judged my life from this blog, apparently I am living from Bachelor episode to Bachelor episode. Truthfully, I have been spending most of my minutes figuring out my work schedule. But even if I really did live for every Monday night and the excitement that our resident crazy and all the other emotional crazies bring us, I would be ok with it. Speaking of crazy, did anyone else notice how neighborly and Mr. Rogers-esque Chris Harrison was in his lengthy cardigan sweater? That, or he borrowed one of the Forever Cardigans from J.Crew's women's collection. Either way, I miss the trendy Chris. Come back!

I want to title Monday's episode "From Curious to Crush to Crazy". Let me explain. When I was in college and then into my twenties, my close group of friends and I had a "crush" theory of sorts. At that point in our lives, we had more crushes on guys who may or may not have seemed to be interested in us than going on actual dates. Sometimes it materialized into a relationship, but often it was just a crush. So we had a theory. "Curious" is the first stage of crushing. You've met the guy and you like what you see. It could start with a good conversation at a party or by spending a few weeks sitting next to him in class or maybe you just saw him across the rehearsal space during choir practice. Whatever it was that attracted you to him, it made you want to know more. You start to become excited to see him at class, church, and social functions. At this stage, there's not a strong emotional attachment. The bachelorettes were at the Curious stage with Brad before they came on the show and then the first night. They liked what they saw and were excited to know more about a new possibility.

Then there's the "Crush" stage. You've had some time to get to know the guy and there are no immediate red flags so you've begun to have an emotional attachment. Your heart flutters when he's around, you think about the outfit you want to wear "in case" you bump into him, you've invited him to your best friends' parties, and maybe (just maybe!) he's invited you to gatherings as well. The Crush stage is fun and exciting for all involved. Your friends gush about him with you and how, yes, it did seem like he singled you out after worship rehearsal to ask you about your weekend plans. Whether or not he's asked you out yet, the possibility is still there and there's enough on his end where it seems like the crush is mutual. We have been seeing this stage with Brad since the first cocktail party with the girls. They all like him and they think that Brad likes them back. They're excited to see him and they want to spend more time with him when they can. There's some emotional attachment, but it's mostly just exciting and new.

Then, there's "Crazy". The Crazy stage is the worst. At this point, you know you like the guy and you know you want more than fun flirtation. But he hasn't asked you out yet. Or maybe he has asked you out and the date went really well, but he hasn't asked you again, even though he treats you the same every time you see him. This is the point where you think about him all the time. You not only hope to run into him, but maybe you know his route to work and you change yours in case you cross the same intersection and see each other. You not only discuss him with your friends, but you also obsess about whether or not he will call or maybe you shouldn't have a girls night in case he calls. You not only plan out the outfit you want to wear when you may or may not see him, but you also plan out your whole conversation and how you will ever so nonchalantly mention that he should ask you out again. And of course, your emotions are running high so you probably don't act like yourself whenever he's around. You know that you don't usually act like this, but he doesn't, so this stage can seal the deal that it won't work out. On the rare occasion, he might like you enough to look past it and soothe your worried emotions that he is still interested. But most times, once you've reached Crazy, the relationship doesn't stand much of a chance.

This is where we are at with our girls and Brad. Some of them have been lucky enough to stay in the Crush stage. They are still interested in Brad and they have reason to believe that he is interested in them from the way he treats them. They have remained true to themselves and are able to just have fun with the possibility of being with Brad. Others are not so lucky. If I was the onsite counselor for the show this week, it would be all about the girls who have found their way to the Crazy stage. Ashley H in particular. She is having some real issues with dealing with her emotions...which she has self-proclaimed. She has had a one-on-one date with Brad, but there hasn't been much since then to let her know that he is still deeply interested in her. She's just waiting around and the waiting has propelled her to Crazy. Her negative attitude is a deflection of the attachment she already feels to Brad. Ashley H actually seems a bit bipolar with a relaxed conversation with Brad one day and an emotional relationship defining talk the next. I don't think this her usual mode of operation...she is just in the Crazy stage.

Chantal also seems to be in the Crazy stage. When we first met her, she was a strong woman who didn't think twice about slapping the Bachelor on national TV. She clearly has a strong attachment to Brad and they had a great connection on their first one-on-one. Chantal was so confident about his feelings for her until...Brad brought out the picnic basket for Emily. Granted, this is a special situation and not like real life at all, but we see how Chantal questions Brad's attachment to her when she realizes that Brad hasn't entirely committed to her yet. She obviously has a strong attachment to Brad and is a little bit Crazy about it. Again, this is probably not the way Chantal is normally with guys...but with Brad, she's in the Crazy.

We also saw Crazy rear it's ugly head during the Alli-Ashley S-Shawntal exchange. Alli sat down with Brad for 2 shakes and Ashley S was there. Ashley S moves with Brad to another bench and Shawntal shows up almost immediately. The girls are getting possessive and territorial with Brad. They are showing their Crazy and forgetting to keep the fun and attractiveness of Crush in the game.

And then there's Michelle. She's actually been in the Crazy from day one. And I do think it's normal for her so she doesn't apply to this example. Crazy for her is capitalized because, well, she doesn't seem to have another mode of operation. Unfortunately for Brad, he doesn't see the Crazy yet. I'm surprised that he also doesn't see Michelle's lack of facial expression. Anyone else notice that she hardly smiles? Ever?

I honestly hope that I do get to some day counsel women who have slipped into the Crazy stage. I have been there plenty before and I know what it's like. These women just need a bit of a reminder that Brad likes who they are as they are. It would also be a good reminder for them to remember that there are people in their lives who love and accept them as they are. Brad may be a good guy and he may be the man of the hour, but only one of these women will be able to have a chance for a lifetime with him. The rest will move on and find someone else. Yes, emotions are running high and it's ok to have a crush and be interested. But watch out for Crazy. It could make or break their chances for relationship. Take it from someone who's been there.

One final thing...notice how both Chantal and Ashley H were ones that I talked about becoming emotionally attached too quickly and they are now the ones whose Crazy is showing the most. I hope those "daddy issues" don't get in the way any more because I really like these girls.

Have a wonderful week! I will hopefully post an update on my jobs soon. It feels good to have a regular work schedule. Tonight though, it's snowing and I have nowhere to go. Ahhhh winter!